Cardiac wards all over the city are working overtime as unwary New Yorkers succumb to massive shock. Mr. Bloomberg has suspended the parking tickets he'd issued during and after the snowstorm.
"I don't understand what the fuss was all about. I simply had the chauffeur garage the limo," Mr. Bloomberg said. "It's common sense to garage the limo on a day like that, and I don't understand why my fellow New Yorkers didn't do the same."
"However," Mr. Bloomberg continued, "This act of forgiveness shows I am a regular guy, the sort of guy who lets the chauffeur park the car at a meter."
When asked whether the chauffeur had parked on the street today, Mr. Bloomberg had no further comment.
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