Mr. V., the truth be told, is only required to teach one subject. But if you're stuck outside his classroom doing hall patrol 45 minutes a day, you quickly learn he can teach anything. His lessons cover virtually every discipline:
History
"If I retired last year, I'd only have gotten 58% of my salary. If I retired five years ago, I'd only have gotten half. Now if I retired before that, I'd have incurred a penalty, and I'd have made a lot less than I will make when I do retire."
Math
"If I retire this year, I can get 60% of my salary. Next year, I'll get 62% of my salary, but we get a 2% raise, and that will factor in too. If I wait another year, I'll get a 5% raise on top of that, plus I'll get 64% of that salary. I'm also gonna collect 8% on the money I've been socking away all these years, you better believe it."
Geography
"When I retire, I'm getting the hell out of here and going to Florida. If it's too hot, maybe I can hit the Carolinas. Taxes aren't bad there either. Or maybe I'll go to Mexico. I hear it's pretty sweet over in San Miguel de Allende. I dunno, though. I don't think I'm gonna wanna study Spanish when I'm retired."
Extra Credit
"If I teach night school, I can up my pension a few points. Now if I teach summer school too, I can really hit the jackpot. All of this stuff factors into my pension. Sure I'll be tired, but it's worth it. I'll really appreciate all that extra work when I retire."
English
"Do you know what a pension is? It's what you get when you retire. Do you know what retirement is? It's when you stop working. You ought to plan for your retirement. It's a very important part of your life. Make sure you get a good retirement consultant. Do you know what a retirement consultant is?"
Economics
"When I collect my pension, it has a cost of living adjustment, so I can make more money every year. And in Florida, retirees don't pay taxes on anything. It's a lot cheaper to live there."
Real Estate
"When I sell my house in Queens, I'm gonna get a better place in Florida for half of what it costs. I can bank the rest. With the market the way it is, though, I might just sell and rent something till prices come down. Oh yeah, there's a bubble, and I don't want to invest my retirement money in a bubble."
Any Questions?
"Yo, Mr. V., when are you gonna retire?"
Thanks to R.
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