I recently had to do some hard work on my personal finances. Some things were pretty messed up with Miss Eyre's cash flow, and not just because I'm an underpaid teacher. Alas, I don't think any mysterious long-lost rich uncles are on death's door, so I have to figure out this business myself. Fortunately I did, and everything is on track now.The DOE is having to do some similar soul-searching. I have to admit, I don't envy Joel Klein this task. I'm not sure I believe him when he says there's no fat left to trim (psst: STOP PAYING TEACHERS' COLLEGE FOR PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT THAT ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WANTS), but let's pretend for a minute that we believe him. Let's pretend that there is this massive army of phenomenally great young teachers and a similarly-sized army of horrible, pathetic older teachers. Pretend, right? I don't believe this and I'm sure you don't either. But pretend.
So, okay, if I were the DOE, I would be thinking that we must hang on to these precious, precocious noobs. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. So I wouldn't want to do anything, budget-wise, that would endanger the future of these darling snowflakes who apparently are amazing teachers despite the fact that I counted any day in which I did not CRY a good day when I was a first-year teacher. Right?
Except...check this out.
Yes, you're reading this right. THE DOE IS HIRING FOR 2010.
That is equivalent to Miss Eyre looking at her sad little bank account and deciding that now would be a really good time to buy a Porsche.
"But," the DOE will argue, "there's ATTRITION. There's RETIREMENT."
To which I reply, "SO MAYBE WE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL WE HAVE SOME FOGGY IDEA OF HOW MUCH ATTRITION AND RETIREMENT THERE MIGHT BE, AND THEN SEE IF WE CAN COVER THAT WITH THE TEACHERS WE ALREADY HAVE, INCLUDING THE TEACHERS IN THE ATR POOL WHO WOULD MAYBE LIKE TO NOT BE GLORIFIED BABYSITTERS, AND THEN WE WILL NOT NEED TO LAY ANYONE OFF OR HIRE ANYONE NEW."
This seems very basic to me, so basic that I resorted to yelling. (I apologize for this lapse in my Netiquette.) But as you can see, I am only paid to deal with so much silliness in the course of a day, and I really reserve my patience for the children, who, to a certain extent, don't know any better. I have no patience for college-educated lawyers and businessmen who have no excuse for not being able to figure out Finance 101. I'm an English teacher and I put it together. Does this mean I can sit around and wait for my six-figure "consultancy" payment?
I sure hope so. I have my eye on a Carrera.
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