The Sunshine State

There are many advantages to living in Florida, if you don't care whether or not your vote counts. For one thing, there are all those beaches. You can bicycle over from the condo, sit in the sun, swim, and if you're so inclined, stroll over to the tiki bar and drink yourself silly.

If you're retired, the tax rates are really low. So are the property values. If the prices in NY make your head spin, you can probably pick yourself up a nice little home for 20% of what it would've run you around these parts.

If you don't care for the beach, you can move to Orlando and visit Mickey Mouse until your head spins. You can go to water parks, and if you don't actually care about money or benefits, you can probably pick up some kind of job.

But best of all, if there are people you don't like, you can follow them in your car, call the police, have them advise you to stay in your car, then follow them on foot, and if they make any physical objection to your gratuitous and threatening pursuit, you can just whip out your gun and kill them. You'll be a hero on Fox News, and columnists all over the country will vividly demonstrate why they have no business being writers when they support you and your abject racism.

All a day's work in the home of the free and the land of the brave. And actually, it ain't just Florida.