The Elastic and Amazing Andrew Cuomo

A few years back, things in New York were not nearly reformy enough. Kids were going to school, teachers were going to school, and there was not nearly enough high blood pressure. For example, supervisors would observe teachers, determine whether or not they were doing a good job, and advise them. This was awful. It did not take into account how students do on tests, which is of course the only thing that happens in school that merits any consideration whatsoever.

So Andy Cuomo got together with union leaders and worked out a deal. From now on, state test scores would account for 20% of teacher ratings, local assessments would be another 20%, and anyone rated ineffective on these "objective" measures would be rated ineffective overall. Unions would negotiate these measures, except for the UFT, which allowed thoroughly impartial John King to impose one.

So Andy Cuomo called himself the student lobbyist, because only he could stand up and make sure junk science, the most reliable measure on earth, was used to rate their teachers. This was the only way to make sure kids had good teachers, because test scores were entirely dependent on teachers, and whether or not the kids were taken care of at home played no part whatsoever in these vital scores.

And when the Regents attempted to delay junk science rating of teachers, based on Common Core tests that 70% of kids failed, Governor Cuomo was outraged. He stood up and said this was unacceptable. The Regents backed down immediately and stopped even hinting of such changes. After all, it's important to rate NY teachers on tests 70% of kids fail. It's not conceivable that the kids could fail the completely new tests because they've never been prepared for them, or because they've been taught different methodology since they started school years ago. Or because they don't speak English, or because they have learning disabilities, or because they're poor, or because they're abused or neglected, or because the tests are based on standards that have never been tested.

Andrew Cuomo knows better, because he's governor. Testing must go on. As long as rich people don't pay additional taxes, everything in his state is fine.

But the other day he saw New Yorkers protesting Common Core. Apparently they, his constituents, don't like it when 70% of their children fail tests. So Governor Cuomo took the incredibly bold position that the Regents were completely independent and did whatever the hell they wanted. It wasn't his fault they screwed everything up. After all, he appointed a commission full of Common Core supporters to study the matter, and who could ask for more than that?

Because just like tests, Governor Cuomo is infallible, and nothing is ever his fault.