Friday, June 03, 2005

It's the Amazing Super Mayors!!

Flash—Crime is down in New York City!! How could this be? It’s due to the hard work and amazing ability of Mayor Mike, and his predecessor Sir Rudolph!! How do they find the time to confound all the criminals who threaten our fair city? It’s a miracle!

Flash—Scores are up in New York City Schools!! Unbelievable! It’s Mayor Mike again, along with his faithful sidekick Kleinie Boy. How do Mayor Mike and Kleinie Boy do it? No one knows. They’ve managed to raise the scores of 1.1 million schoolchildren without even breaking a sweat!

Flash—fire is no longer any danger to New Yorkers!! Mayor Mike will gladly brave certain death to save you and yours, just as Sir Rudolph did when he single-handedly rescued thousands from the World Trade Center!

That’s what happened, isn’t it? Otherwise, why would Sir Rudolph be raking in millions while the firefighters are without a contract since July 2002?

And why would Mayor Mike be sitting on a 3.3 billion dollar surplus while NYPD officers, without a contract since July 2002, max out at 50 K a year?

And why would the heroic Kleinie Boy be paying 20,000 bucks a month for personal PR when the teachers have been without a contract for two years now?

There’s only one conclusion—the Amazing Super Mayors are the only ones who deserve credit for any progress. The police, firefighters and teachers have no role in this whatsoever.

Rewards are better left for truly needy folks—like billionaire Jets owner Woody Johnson, who selflessly offered to purchase prime NYC waterfront property for 25% of its value. Not only that, but he’s willing to pay a fraction of the cost of a brand new stadium for his football team.

When, oh when, are those cops, firefighters, and teachers gonna quit whining and show some productivity?
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