Everyone does things when they're off work. I know this teacher who plays fiddle in bluegrass bands on weekends, and I mean, like everyone, I HATE that music, but you don't see me trying to have the teacher FIRED over it. Well, MAYBE I put a little-bitty letter in his file, but EVERYONE does THAT.
That's not what I'm all about. I mean, PROGRAMMING. Ask me anything about programming. I can do three classes in a row, but I don't do four or that stupid chapter leader is up and screaming bloody murder. I mean, what's the big deal? You'd think teaching FOUR classes in a row was gonna give someone a massive coronary or something. But NOOOOOO. It just won't do, because it's in the CONTRACT, and so I have to go and change not one, not two, but THREE programs to do it.
But take a look for SMUGGLING HEROIN into a PRISON. Do you see ONE stinking WORD about it? Of course you don't. But they nailed me for it, the bastards. Why? Because they're jealous of my power. They wish they could summon teachers to their offices but they can't.
Those teachers babble on about this and that, and they do nothing but complain about my work. I go in there with my iPad and tell them exactly why they suck and do they thank me? Do they ever once offer to wash my car? I mean, they could, just ONCE thank me for all the things I do for them. There's this little guy who teaches science. I always see him walking down the stairs. But I never push him. You'd think he'd thank me for that, but NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Too much trouble.
And there goes little Miss Sunshine. All the students love her. I saw her in the park last week, jogging with a bunch of kids. She was right by the pond and I could have easily tripped her. She would have gone flying into the water. But I didn't do it, because that's the kind of person I turned out to be. And again, not a WORD of thanks. What ingratitude.
Après moi le déluge, baby. You think you're gonna find ANOTHER principal who will treat you so well? Not on your life. Do you have any idea how many of you I DIDN'T write up for no reason? Do any of you appreciate it? No, it's always, "How come I got a letter in my file for eating an apple in class?" Did any of you ONCE offer ME a piece of the apple? Yes, I LIKE apples. I was a teacher too, you know, for two whole years.
You want to fire me? Fine. I hope they send you the worst of the worst Leadership Academy principals. I hope she speaks in slogans no one understands. Mess with ME will you? You will regret this. Don't worry, I'll land on my feet. I'll just become principal of a charter school. They'll hire anyone and there are no stinking contracts so I can do whatever I want.
THEY won't fire me for smuggling an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny bag of heroin into a prison. And after I do a few years there, I'm coming BACK.
I'll get the LAST LAUGH, you worthless ungrateful wretches.
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