Thursday, December 27, 2018

A Modest Proposal--Wall for All--Trump Gives Universal Healthcare and We Give Him Wall Money

Poor Donald Trump. He sits in the White House, all alone, bitching about how those awful Democrats won't give him his precious wall. And he's magnanimous about it. He says they can call it a wall, a fence, or whatever he wants. Still, that awful Nancy Pelosi not only musters the unmitigated gall to be a woman, one of those people who bleeds from their eyes, from their whatevers, but also to tell him he's not getting the wall. How dare she?

As if that's not enough, he finally mustered the courage to go overseas and visit the troops, and what happens? Instead of writing about how brave and wonderful he is, the Fake News is pointing out that the military did not, in fact, get a 10% raise, and it wasn't the first raise in ten years either. Not only that, but they're saying he also revealed covert Navy Seal deployment. That's the thanks you get for finally giving in to all the haters saying Presidents do these things on Christmas.

Anyway, I've figured out a solution for not only the President, but also the country. It's time to put these times behind us. Sure, the President says the shutdown is okay because it's mostly Democrats not getting paid, Still, don't Democrats vote? I mean, what if the Democrats wake up and run someone who advocates universal health care, a living wage, and affordable college, things most Americans support? Everyone knows that Trump and the Republicans were full of crap when they said they had something better than Obamacare. So let's work together.

You take your 5 billion, build whatever wall that builds, and then you, Ann Coulter, and Fox and Friends can go and party like it's 1500 AD, or ancient China, or whenever and wherever walls were last effective. All we want in exchange is Medicare for All. And hey, if Medicare is so crappy, people will flock to buy private insurance instead. You see how that works? It's a WIN-WIN.

After all, everyone knows Trump prides himself on being a great deal maker. In fact, he even had someone ghost write a book called The Art of the Deal, which makes him pretty much a self-declared authority on the subject.  So instead of having a bunch of snotty bloggers and Fake News reporters call you a liar, simply because you lie all the time, why not solve a real problem for once?

All we want is Medicare for every American. And look, you can make it voluntary. If you don't want it, you don't have to take it. After all, there's that letter saying you're the healthiest individual ever to take the presidency. Now you can prove it by declining insurance, and you can eat all the KFC you like.

You see how everyone makes out here? You get your wall. No more Americans need to go bankrupt because of catastrophic medical emergency. No more Americans die needlessly for lack of health care. And of course, since you don't support that, you can let Democrats take credit. You will have yourself a wall. You can call it beautiful. You can please Ann Coulter and Fox and Friends, and since their opinions appear to be the only ones you care about, you can sit in front of your big screen all day and have them praise you endlessly.

No charge for this solution, Mr. President. We teachers solve problems all the time.
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