I'm always happy when the geniuses at Tweed put their heads together and figure out what our children really need. You know, while I was sitting in two of my three classrooms with no air-conditioning, I was reflecting on how important it is that we not have chocolate milk. If we had it we might simply pour it across one another's heads to keep cool.
Now sure, that's not the first use for chocolate milk that comes to my mind, but when the temperature reads 99% on your trailer thermostat you just never know what people are gonna do. So it's important to keep the chocolate milk somewhere safe. People that uncomfortable are likely to do really crazy stuff.
Another case in which chocolate milk can be dangerous is in oversized classes. There are dozens of them in my school, and chocolate milk would surely make a bad situation worse. For example, when there aren't enough seats in the classroom the few you have ought to be distributed in a fair fashion. You don't want people bartering seats for chocolate milk. It's not fair that only the students who get there early enough get the chocolate milk. Some students live too far away to get to school early enough.
And for goodness sake, you have to be careful about how chocolate milk is used in those half classrooms with over 30 students inside them. If someone should spill it, it could anger the guy who gets paid to clean the room. After all, it's a lot easier to clean the room if it isn't dirty. So maybe he'll write you a note telling you what a slob you are, insist you leave it for the kids, toss out the dividers you need in order to give tests in the crappy room, and then leave the chocolate milk all over the floor anyway. After all, how else to make good on his threat to infest the room with pests?
Yes, I'd say this is really where we need to focus our energy and effort. Yesterday, after period three, while I was silently cursing the slow-moving person in front of me while trying to get to my class on time in our over 200% capacity building, I said, "Thank goodness someone is finally tackling the chocolate milk crisis. And as I pushed the chronically stuck door of the half room with all my might, injuring my shoulder, I thought, "Well, we won't have chocolate milk to kick around anymore."
In fact, later that afternoon, when I was in the miserable trailer and the students wearing sweatshirts with nothing under them, the girl who wears long flowing robes that cover herself head to toe and everyone else started complaining about how hot it was, even though it was only 85 degrees, the coolest it's been all year, I thought as I walked them to the auditorium, where no one can hear anything, let alone accomplish anything, "Finally someone is gonna address this crucial chocolate milk crisis."
Even though the tests that measure my students' progress suck, even though they tell us nothing of any value whatsoever, even though the English Regents exam promotes neither reading nor writing, and even though the state doesn't think English instruction is important for newcomers, I'm bursting with pride at the way we're fearlessly tackling that rapacious chocolate milk lobby.
Another great victory for we, the people!
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
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