I'm a Lucky Duckie, Dude

Like, dude, I used to be all, like, let's hold the teachers accountable? And everyone, like, was mean to me just because I never actually passed the tests I said they all needed to pass or get fired? But like now, dude, I'm, like, giving up all my principles? That's right, dude, I take no responsibility for any of the stuff I wrote before, and I'm getting a fresh start while I, like, study education and stuff.

So, like, I don't think anyone will be mad at me anymore now. This is kewl, dude, because now everyone will forget about how I demanded they be fired. And dude, the best is they will forget that, based on the stuff I supported, that I should've been fired too, dude. Because now I don't support that stuff, so I'm all, like, I shouldn't be fired.

Now that doesn't mean I don't have standards. After all, dude, as soon as I get out of this program, I'll have to find a gig where I fire other people. So, like, even though I've publicly renounced all the stuff I've ever said, like, I think the reform folks will, like, read my New York Post piece, the one I complained about because they said pretty much what I wrote, and give me a gig.

But here's the thing. While I'm waiting, I still wanna, like, write for Gotham Schools. I figure, like, maybe if I say I don't believe the stuff I believe the commenters won't, like, be so mean to me. I mean, like, dude, why do they have to take it so personally just because I, like, say they should be fired for, like, doing the same stuff I did? All they have to do is, like, forget all the stuff I said, because I didn't mean it, or at least I'm, like, not meaning it now.

Now later, dude, when I get my high-paying admin gig, that's when I can, like, fire everyone, like Michelle Rhee does. But meanwhile, I'm hoping the readers at Gotham Schools believe I've changed and give me a break. One of the kewl things about Gotham is the folks who run it believe anything I say, and publish whatever no matter how inaccurate or questionable it might be.

Thank goodness, dude, they run with folks like me instead of real, highly experienced teachers. With folks like that, people might get a real idea of what's going on out there. Then, where would folks like me fit in?

Like, Thanks, Gotham Schools!

So, like, I didn't get tenure this year? But, like, I thought I should? So, I was all, like, hey dude, I want it, I want it all, and I want it now, dude. But like, I don't want to say that, because my peeps are always like, ya know, saying that other people shouldn't get it?

But hey, like, even though maybe I don't know enough stuff to get tenure, I have, like, no problem telling everyone else how they should get it. Like, even though my principal says I'm not ready? I still think that I'm the one who should decide how everyone else should get fired and that's why, like, my group supports whatever Mayor Bloomberg says we should support? So like, if someone is accused of something, they ought to be fired whether it's true or not, because let's get real dude, all this innocent until proven guilty stuff is not gonna get me that big money gig with Michelle Rhee!

So, anyway, I want to thank Gotham Schools, because, dude, they are like the kewlest? Like, how would I have gotten into the NY Post if they didn't, like, see me there? So, like, when I say I shouldn't get tenure it's like, hey, maybe no one else should get it either? And that way, like, when Michelle Rhee is hiring for like, some ex-teacher dude, like, it won't matter if I have tenure because I'll be all, like, dude, I didn't get it so you shouldn't either? And, like, if they lose their jobs I'll still have mine so it will be, like, all kewl and stuff?

So, like, the really kewl thing is even though I don't have tenure, Gotham Schools is gonna, like, let me tell everyone else what they ought to do? And that's like, the kewlest thing, because if they weren't so kewl, letting me write whatever I want whether it's accurate or distasteful or whatever, like, who would even know about us? And, like, even though the people who fund my organization say no one gets better after the third year I'm all, like, dude, that doesn't apply to me!

And even if it does, I'm gonna keep working anyway, even if I, like, suck and stuff? Because the thing is, while maybe the kids may not, be, like, getting good education and stuff, folks like me only need to be teachers until something better comes along, so, it's like, all good dude!

Puke-O-Rama, Dude!

Like, dude, the kids in my class are like, puking their guts out? So, like I just figured I'd write about it, and stuff? And people are all,

Why is this moron allowed to share with us his idiocy? 

and

TMI 

and stuff in the comments?  But like, it's important, dude, to tell the truth, like, sometimes. Like, if I had a kid who had a you know, accident, I would have to, like, write my next column about it.

So anyhoo, like, when I wanted to support the release of value-added grades, and everyone was all like, "Dude, they're inaccurate and invalid," and everything? Like, Gotham Schools let me write about how even though I was supporting it, I was, like, still cool and everything? And, like, Gotham Schools is SO KEWL, because, like, they don't even make me write in my bio that I'm a member of Educators4Excellence. So I'm, like, in a group funded by Bill Gates and stuff, and they don't even tell anybody! And I'm also in a video with Michelle Rhee, and like, at Gotham, I don't even have to say why! They just say, I'm just, like, a teacher and stuff! So, I don't look, like, uncool!

Wow! How cool is that, dude?

So, like, I'm learning a LOT. For example, like, once, I like controlled the class? And I, like, figured once I did that I'd never have to do it again? But, like, the kids acted up again, and I was, like, surprised and stuff. Who could figure that once kids misbehave and stop they'd ever do it again? Or that anyone else would ever not listen to you, like ever, once someone finally listened to you? Anyhoo...

So, like, I noticed that in my school we had, like, stuff in Spanish? But not other languages? So I figured I'd, like, write about it and stuff? I was all, like, hey dude, why there wasn't stuff in other languages? So, like, I just figured every other school just had what my school had? Because I, ya know, go to my school and stuff? Anyhoo, then I heard that there WAS stuff in like, Chinese and Korean and Urdu, and, like, a whole lot of other languages and stuff? That Joel Klein's video for ESL parents was, like, dubbed into a WHOLE BUNCH of languages? And someone told me that, like, a lot of people can read numbers, even if they, like, speak other languages and stuff? But, like, I didn't check it out, and, like, no one at Gotham Schools checked it out either, but no one said anything, so it was, like, cool and stuff. So I was all, like, WHEW! Like, that was a close one, dude.

So, anyway, dude, that's all for now! I have, like, lots of other stuff to say, and stuff. Like, in my newest column I figured out when there are less kids, there's like, less noise? Who would've thunk it? So anyway, like, be cool!

L8R, dude!

Value Added Is Awesome, Dude

Like, the New York Post called me?  And they were all like, dude, can you write us a column saying to release the test scores?  Because, like, the union is wrong and we're right?  And I was all, like, bitchin', dude!  But they were, like, the New York Post, so I was all, hey, I don't support all that uncool politics, like, Rupert Murdoch and stuff?  But hey, I thought like more people would read it, so I was all like, hey, let's do it, dude!

But then it came out, and it was all, well, I was all for releasing the scores because, like, not releasing them could make the union look, ya know, bad and stuff?  And like, I want to look good.  So then I was all, like, hey, let's release the grades, but let's let people know that there's other stuff we do in schools, like learning and stuff, which I, ya know, think is way cool.  And that, like, I don't just give tests in my class, but that we do all this other stuff that's mad cool.  And like, the other day, I was, like, absent, so I stayed home and watched TV and the next day they were all, like, hey dude, where ya been?

So anyway, what I want to say is, like, I want to be one of those reformer guys?  Like, I could make up cool new stuff to do in schools and get paid for it and then I could tell everyone else to do all the cool awesome stuff that I do?   And we could, like, go out to lunch and stuff?  So, anyway, they released my grades and they weren't so good, but this makes me want to make my next grades totally AWESOME, dude.  And so they should do that for, like, everyone?

But they should be, like, careful when they do it.  And the Post piece made it look, uhhh, like I didn't want to be careful but I definitely do, dude.  Actually they, ya know, said I want them to be careful but I'm just writing this so I can, ya know, say it again?  So anyway, just because I'm in the Post saying we should release the scores don't think I want to just, you know, do it, because I think we should be, like, careful, you know? 

And, like, I just want to say that dude over at South Bronx School, was like, not nice, and like, I've been, ya know, thinking and stuff?  And what I think is, like, the world would be better if people were nicer.  You have to give Joel Klein a chance, because, like he might have some good ideas, and you can't just be, like, don't release all that data just because it's invalid, or close all those schools with no plan to improve them.  It's because I, like see both sides at the same time, because I'm, like, complicated?

So while scores are, like, gnarly, even if mine are not so good? I just want to say that while I support them, they just need to be careful, and the Post article was all like, saying that but I just wanted to, like, say it again, kinda like I didn't say it before? 

Like, thanks, dudes.