I've managed to lose 5 pounds in a mere three days. Here's what you do--first, get so sick you lose your voice. Go to the doctor, get an antibiotic that makes you feel even worse, and get out of bed only to crawl up to the attic and blog in the morning.
Watch a lot of TV, and catch up on all the cable movies that didn't seem worth watching. After you've confirmed that suspicion, turn to reruns of "Matlock," which prove even less surprising than the first time you watched them.
Then, in a Ralph Kramden moment, determine that you were actually made sick to realize the weight loss you'd been hoping for. This is the beginning of a new fad-diet book that will sweep the land, allowing you to become so rich you can forget about dieting altogether and let your appearance go completely to hell.
On the third afternoon, rise once more, climb up the attic stairs, and announce the revolutionary new diet plan. Blogging is an essential component of this new diet plan, compensating for the symptoms that accompany your illness. When you type, no one realizes you can't actually speak.
Posts
