Contract Update--King Reformy John Will Impose a UFT Contract Next Saturday at 4 PM

After almost five years, the UFT and DOE have decided they cannot come to an agreement on a contract. Governor Andrew Cuomo has grown tired of this impasse, and has decided that if this is not resolved, he will need to cut $250 million from the budget of NYC schools.

StudentsFirstNY stated, "This is a disgrace. How can those greasy teachers hurt our children like that? They should simply take the mayor's reasonable offer that they pay for their health insurance and take a 15% pay cut."

Evan Stone of Educators4Excellence said, "I'm not a teacher but I play one on TV."

In an unprecedented move, Governor Cuomo has announced that if the UFT and DOE do not agree on a contract this week, he will place the matter in the hands of NY State Education Commissioner Reformy John King. As you know, King recently imposed an evaluation system on NYC teachers. It was the first time in UFT history that a contract was renegotiated without a single teacher voting.

"I'm a student lobbyist," said Governor Cuomo. "Really, it's amazing we could pass this nonsensical system without even giving teachers a raise. Why can't we just do entire contracts like this? That way, I could save money and continue my principled stand against taxing millionaires."

UFT leadership promised to send a strongly worded letter to Governor Cuomo, and threatened to follow it with a fax, but would not comment on whether or not they supported this move.

Norm Scott commented, "This is outrageous. They are Vichy."

Reformy John King also decreed that, since he now holds unprecedented total power over time, space and the UFT  contract, he was hereby changing his name from Reformy John King to King Reformy John. King Reformy John expects a new multi-year UFT contract by 4 PM next Saturday. By doing away with pay raises, and unilaterally altering working conditions, King Reformy John expects to save Governor Cuomo and Mayor Bloomberg quite a bit of coin.

King Reformy John also confided that he was sincere when he said we would not fire our way to quality schools. Since he was now King and his word could not be questioned, he simply conceded reformy stuff never works anywhere, that firing was an end in itself, and that last week's evaluation system was so complicated and unworkable that quality wasn't even an issue. Quality is found in schools that don't patronize such convoluted nonsense, like the Montessori school where King Reformy John sends his own kids.