Democracy, UFT Style

If you’re a high school teacher, you don’t get to select the vice-president representing you. You used to, but you don’t anymore.

Michael Shulman, representing New Action, won that post once. The UFT called a special re-vote, and he won by a larger margin. This disturbed the folks at Unity, as it threatened their monopolistic hold on power. What could they do?

Well, in 1994, they changed the constitution, so that all members could participate in the selection of all vice-presidents. This meant that elementary teachers, who outnumber high school teachers, and who largely tend to vote Unity, could drown out those nasty folks voting for the opposition.

So, if you’re a high school teacher wondering how the hell the UFT expects you to balance your current workload, plus the 37 minute sixth class, plus lunchroom duty, it’s not that hard to understand. The UFT has pretty much precluded your input by denying you representation.

When the UFT claims 90% of the vote in the executive board meetings, bear in mind that votes are not counted, but estimated. That’s why both sides tend to interpret votes in their favor, and it’s also why we, the members, never find out what really happened. Ballots are not even secret, so those of our representatives who are beholden to Unity for jobs or perks are not free to vote their beliefs.

Karl Rove could learn a lot from this system; if you don’t actually count votes, you don’t need a Katherine Harris to certify the results before they’re counted.

Vivian

I’m in the department office, correcting papers and congratulating myself that I have only 5 million more to go when Vivian bursts in, crying hysterically. I try to calm her down, and ask what’s wrong. Vivian, an incredibly conscientious student who arrived from China only months ago, thrusts a paper in my face and begins to cry even louder.

It’s in Chinese. Between sobs, she sputters she got a D on her composition, and apparently, it’s all but ruined her young life.

“I’m sorry, Vivian, but I can’t understand Chinese. Did you ask the teacher why?”

“Yes.” (sob, sniff….)

“What did he tell you?”

“I don’t know.” (cry, sob)

“What do you mean?”

“I c-c-can’t understand his Chinese.” (sniff, sniff)

“Come on, Vivian.”

“NO! NOBODY understand his Chinese!”

“Well, you must understand it better than me...”

“I ask him five time, and I don’t understand. Finally, he tell me in English….” (sob, cry, cry…”)

“What did he tell you, Vivian?”

“He tell me in English ‘It suck!.’ “ (serious bawling)

Well, as criticism goes, it’s certainly concise.

Later, I look for her teacher and find him. Unfortunately, I find his English utterly incomprehensible. That’s unusual for me—my job involves regularly dealing with people who speak little or no English. I have a Chinese-speaking colleague call Vivian’s parents on my behalf and tell them what a wonderful kid she is and how well she’s doing in my class.

It probably won’t help.

Tired of Kids Tossing Desks out the Window?

Great classroom advice from Tim Fredrick.

Thanks to Nancy at Se hace camino al andar.

Top Ten Edwize Headlines

10. The Joy of Lunchroom Duty

9. Why Merit Pay is a Good Thing Even If Base Salaries Are Far from Competitive

8. Find Fulfillment by Teaching Six Classes for the Price of Five

7. How Losing the Right to Grieve Letters in My File Improved My Sex Life

6. 37½ Minutes to Paradise

5. If We Approve It, It Must Not Be Merit Pay

4. Less is More: Why It’s Better to Have Fewer Options at the Workplace

3. Become a Complete Person by Spending Less Time with Your Family and More with Klein’s Flunkies

2. Why, Despite Years of Evidence to the Contrary, Your Principal Will Probably Not Abuse Power

1. The Contract Is Good Because We Say It Is

Essential Reading

From reality-based educator:

UFT Spin Guys Come Around for a Propaganda Session

The Real Value of Lunchroom Duty

I remember reading a column in the New York Times by then-education columnist Richard Rothstein entitled “The Secret Value of Lunchroom Duty.”  In the lunchroom, Mr. Rothstein wrote, you could get to know the students in an informal setting, and surpass the restrictions of the classroom, or something like that.  It seemed a very fine idea.

However, having actually done the job, I can tell you Mr. Rothstein’s musings bore little resemblance to reality.  

The last time I was assigned to the lunchroom was upon arrival to a brand-new school.  The dean, the guy in charge, posted me at the front door to check student programs and challenge the kids who didn’t belong.  He posted himself way in the back, by a locked door, where he could peruse the Daily News to his heart’s content.

Despite Rothstein’s presumptions, in a school with thousands of kids, almost none turned out to be my students.  The only kids I got to know really well were those who regularly stole or borrowed programs in order to spend their math periods in the lunchroom.  That’s right—I met the proverbial boy named Sue, and furthermore, I confiscated his phony program.  

Out of sheer boredom, I started asking kids what their third period classes were, what their birthdays were, or who their English teacher was.  Many had no idea, and my collection of programs grew and grew.  Had I known about all the zero percent raises the UFT had in store for me, I might have considered a tidy little business selling them.

Another important job was keeping careful count of the bathroom passes, and making sure you took a valid program for each pass you issued.  There were very particular rules about these passes, but I don’t remember them anymore.  With luck, I won’t need to learn them again.

Sometimes a fight would break out.  As a teacher, I’d learned, I’m not authorized to break up fights, and if hurt trying to break one up, I’d have to pay out of pocket for any and all injuries.  I wrote a long essay on the NTE about this, to describe something I learned outside of the classroom, but will spare you the details for now.  

Sometimes food fights would occur, bringing the dean from behind his Daily News to where the action was.

“Who started it?”

“I have no idea.  I was checking programs.”

The real truth about lunch patrol?  If you love teaching, you’ll hate it.  It’s a mind-numbing waste of time.  You can’t get any work done, because too many things are going on.  You can’t really help any kids, because few, if any, need your help eating lunch.

There’s absolutely no reason school aides can’t do this job as well as teachers.  We’re here to help kids learn, not to police their lunch trays.  I never, ever had the remotest opportunities to get to know kids in the lunchroom.

If you want to get to know kids, have them write regularly in your classroom.  Carefully read everything they write, comment on it, and return it.  This sort of correspondence will let you know things about kids you’d never have suspected otherwise.  You’ll also be able to offer them real grownup advice, which some of them sorely lack.

Unfortunately, this is difficult when you have the highest class size in the state.  It will prove even more difficult when your time is spent teaching a sixth class, the mysterious “small-group instruction,” and a lunch patrol, in which you may expect to complete no work whatsoever.  

With the inevitable full sixth class in our next contract, you can expect this job to cut even further into your “free” time.  And if you can’t see that full class coming, you need your eyes examined.

Me, I’ll probably move away from essays, and toward multiple choice tests to be pushed through scantrons.  How can I read hundreds of papers on a daily basis when I have two other jobs, precious little time to do so, and, apparently, no one in Tweed or the UFT who thinks it’s of any value?

In any case, if any of this has piqued your interest in lunch patrol, you should probably vote “yes” on this contract.  

Break out the Rubber Stamps

I just heard the UFT Delegate Assembly approved sending the contract to rank and file this afternoon.

Now we get to tell them what we think of this contract. On October 21, if I recall correctly, the ballots will be available.

Vote early. vote often, vote NO!

News and Rumor

First, a colleague informs me that this blog was quoted on News 4 last night in a story about the contract's chances. "Money comes and goes, but lunchroom duty is forever." It's still true too.

The NY Daily News today took a step back on the "kiss of death" story, suggesting that a contract vote would be close, but predicting it would pass. It also ran an editorial strongly endorsing this contract. In case you haven't noticed, the Daily News likes nothing that's good for teachers. That, in itself, is a compelling reason to vote no after tonight's Delegate Assembly rubber stamps sending it to the rank and file.

Oh, yes--the rumor. A teacher in my building knows some big shots on the UFT who are visiting schools. He says they're regularly astonished by the volume of anti-contract sentiment they see. Let's keep it up and stop this thing from degrading and demeaning the job we love.

Kiss of Death?

In today's NY Daily News, Randi Weingarten reveals doubts the new contract will pass rank and file.

She attributes them to this photo, and Klein's boasts about having won so much in this agreement.

Unfortunately, Klein is absolutely right to boast about buying the UFT off so cheaply. Hopefully, Ms. Weingarten will soon recognize it's more than a kiss that makes this contract undesirable and unacceptable for NYC's 80,000 working teachers.

(With thanks to posters Reality-Based Educator and Dismayed.)

Unity Visits Your School

Welcome everyone.  I’m very glad to see you’ve all come here.  First of all, despite the whining of a small but vocal minority of chronic malcontents, I’d like to point out that, under our guidance, teacher salaries have more than doubled over the last 20 years.   Doubled!  That’s quite impressive given the current geopolitical context, and if you have any sense, you’ll be quite impressed, as we all are.

Let’s first talk about the 37.5 minute “small group instruction.”  This is most definitely not a sixth teaching period.  It is instruction, not teaching, and anyone who can’t tell the difference is clearly ignorant.  Everyone with any sense knows that teaching can be stressful at times, but instruction is an effortless pleasure.  Furthermore, those high-achieving students who ask difficult and troublesome questions will have already left the school, so you won’t have to deal with all their nasty curiosity and thoughtfulness.  We at Unity find those qualities distracting as well. That’s why we discourage such vulgar individuals from working for us.

Now, some of our detractors are complaining that the “lead teacher” position is “merit pay.”  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  “Merit pay” is when the administration selects teachers to be paid more than other teachers.  A “lead teacher” will be chosen by the administration to receive additional compensation.  Anyone who can’t tell the obvious difference has not read the official UFT fact sheet, which Ms. Finch is now passing out.

And now we come to the issue of lunch patrol.  If you remember, it was our hard work that got you out of the lunchroom, and we were very proud of that.  It was a tough year and no money was available, so we got you out.  This year, not only did we achieve a raise, but we got you back in at no additional charge to you, or any of your UFT colleagues.  And furthermore, many of you will not serve lunchroom duty, since you’ll be returned to homeroom.  Yes it’s true we got you out of that in the past, in exchange for a zero, but this year we got you back in, once again, with no additional charge.  That was some tough negotiating, but we rolled up our sleeves, put our heads together, and had the chauffers garage all the limos till it got done.

Now a lot of teachers are complaining that the police and corrections officers received 10.25% over two years, while we got 14.25 over four.  Well, you only need to look at those statements to realize how much better our deal is.  We got 15, and they only got 10!  15 is five more than ten!  Do the math, people!

Furthermore, police cadets will receive a drastic cut in salary for their first six months.  I’m proud to tell you that, under this historic contract, student teachers will receive the exact same salary they always have, and their rate of pay has not been reduced at all.  There’s also a lot of loose talk about how they’re getting 12,000 for two years of back pay, while you’re only getting up to 5,000 for four.  All I can say is do the math!  If you take that 5,000 and multiply it by 5, that’s $25,000, which is more than double what the corrections officers got!  Do the math!

Finally, with this historic contract, we have promised to agree in principle that teachers with 25 years service will be able to retire in 25 years.  That’s something that we might get for you in the future, if it’s possible.  Is anyone else promising they might get that for you?  No?  Well, I’m here to tell you that if you vote yes for this contract, you might get that in the future.  Furthermore, under this contract, if you spend one dollar of that raise we got you, you might win the lottery and live a life of luxury in Hawaii, where girls with grass skirts play ukuleles, and bring you drinks in coconuts on the beach.  Who else is saying you might get those things?  No one!  Keep that in mind. Remember, if you vote “no” you might not win the lottery!

Remember, this contract is the best we could do.  If you vote no, the next one will be even worse.  Also, we will immediately go on strike, be replaced permanently by scabs, you will be unable to pay your bills, removed from your home, and forced to live in a pickup truck opposite your school, with access only to gas station and student bathrooms.  Is that what you want?  Remember, don’t let our detractors’ sleazy fear tactics sway you into voting no!

Any questions?  Yes? I deeply regret I will be unable to answer questions at this time.  Unfortunately, I have a rhumba lesson in fifteen minutes, and the teacher has a strict policy about lateness.  As teachers, I’m sure you all can understand that.

Before I leave, let me express my deepest thanks to the silent majority of teachers who support Unity, and this historic contract.  God bless you all, and God bless the United Federation of Teachers.

Thank you, and I’ll see you all again when the next contract comes up for ratification.  Let’s go, Ms. Finch.

Vital Advice

If you have a kid, know a kid, or have ever been a kid, you must immediately go see Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

"Something wicked this way hops."

A Dialogue

Here’s a post Leo Casey left on Ms. Frizzle's site:

I will not respond to the personal attacks.

I can’t blame Mr. Casey for that. There’s really no need to indulge in personal attacks. Let’s focus on the contract, and Mr. Casey's ideas about it.

Mr. Casey is very visible on the front page of Edwize, defending the contract. I’m encouraged that he’s venturing out into the blogosphere, because that indicates that those who professionally spin this contract feel the need to further get the word out. Mr. Casey continues:

I do need to point out, however, that if the people who are now pronouncing with absolute cetainty that the extra ten minutes will produce a sixth teaching period were right in the past, when they made similar pronouncements with equal certainy, it would be the eighth or ninth teaching period we were discussing, not the sixth. As a matter of fact, it was not that long ago, when Circular 6R was first negotiated, that the very same folks were saying this is a sixth teaching period, and it does not matter how you say you are going to implement it. Now, they shout from the rooftops, "Don't surrender Circular 6R."

Yes we were born, but it wasn't yesterday.

Circular 6R, if I’m not mistaken, is the document in which teachers select their professional assignment. Please feel free to correct me, as I’m very likely to be wrong. In my school, we have the option of planning for three preps as an assignment. This works well for me, because I’ve had three preps for the last 12 years. (Note—while it sounds otherwise, I’m not complaining.)

In any case, here’s my response:

The distinction between lunchroom duty and being in charge of kids in a classroom has evidently escaped Mr. Casey. Nonetheless, I am indeed opposed to placing teachers in lunchrooms. It's degrading, unprofessional, and will do little to halt the exodus of new teachers.

Unlike Mr. Casey, I've performed lunchroom duty, and I can tell you it's the worst task I've ever been forced to do as a teacher. Despite his bold words, Mr. Casey, I fear, will not be joining us in the lunchroom.

The UFT was proud when it (lunchroom duty) was eliminated, gleefully selling us a new contract. They now seem proud to have gotten it reinstated, gleefully selling us a new contract. How does Mr. Casey explain that?

It's remarkable that having ten students in a room for 37 minutes is not a teaching period. Did everyone understand Mr. Casey's contention?

When I teach college at night, I sometimes get groups of ten people. And I, lacking Mr. Casey's apparent expertise, actually organize materials and teach. Perhaps Mr. Casey will be kind enough to share with us his preferred approach.

Perhaps Mr. Casey will further enlighten those of us too ignorant to discern the difference between "small group instruction" and "class."

As a teacher and a parent, it's my view that no conscientious educator would allow ten kids to sit and waste their time for 37.5 minutes a day. Doubtless Mr. Casey has a better approach.

I eagerly await the moment he shares that approach with us.

Do UFT muckety-mucks think they can tell us being in charge of a group of students, expressly for the purpose of "instruction" is not teaching? What do they take us for? Could it be that they think we were born yesterday?

Your responses are encouraged. Have a great Sunday, everyone. And enjoy Columbus Day, which seems to have survived this round of negotiations.

The Piano

They came into the auditorium, two guys in white jumpsuits, and announced “We’re here for the piano.”  Someone pointed to it.

Then they wheeled it out, the grand piano, and loaded it onto a truck.

No one ever saw that piano again.

I Was a Teenage UFT Transfer, or Why You Might Need the Current Contract One Day

Well, perhaps I was a little older, but I was teaching in a pretty bad school. Discipline in the halls was virtually non-existent. We’d had a very tough principal who actually took action against troublesome students, but he was replaced by a Board of Ed. hack with a moustache. He had a great smile, his moustache would move up and down, and words would come from his mouth, but they rarely signified much. He was very careful not to offend any member of the community, so for kids, there were no longer significant consequences for anything they did.

My classroom was different. I terrorized the kids by phoning their parents in Spanish and reporting absolutely everything that happened in the class, along with grades, absences and lateness. It was simply not worth acting out in my ESL classes.

Next door to me was Mr. Mudd, the Spanish teacher. Mr. Mudd spoke with a very thick accent that was by no means Spanish. He had been the principal of a school in his home country, and expected absolute unquestioning obedience from his students. He did not receive it.

For some reason, Mr. Mudd was assigned five Spanish 1 classes, including three composed of native speakers. The natives in particular found Mr. Mudd’s Spanish laughable, and delighted in torturing him with all sorts of juvenile pranks: tacks on the chair, verbally imitating his empty threats, spitballs and such. Every day, he’d send scores of uncooperative kids to my supervisor, inconveniently tearing her away from whatever it was she did in that little office. I never threw kids out of class, figuring time spent with me was punishment enough.

One day, Mr. Mudd found a regulation somewhere stating that if a student had previously failed a teacher’s class, that student did not have to repeat that class with that teacher. This was a great opportunity for Mr. Mudd, since he had failed virtually everyone in all of his classes. He started sending names to the supervisor, who then had to re-assign all the students out of Spanish one.

At the end of the semester, I was called into the supervisor’s office. She had a cunning plan. She knew I then had a second job that began at 3:30, and informed me that the following semester I, an ESL teacher, would be teaching all Spanish 1 classes. If I declined, I would receive the only late class in the department, and be forced to give up my second job.

It was a perfect plan. Now, Mr. Mudd would no longer be sending those kids into her office, and she could do whatever it was she did in that office in peace. I would never send kids to her office, I would have no lists of students who couldn’t be in my classes, and she could put all those kids in Spanish 1 again. Many of them weren’t taking to French or Italian, and the ones who spoke little or no English had become particularly troublesome.

What could I do? I told her to do whatever she wished. Then, I applied for a UFT transfer to a school that was located within minutes of my second job. It did not require the approval of my AP, but only the signature of my principal. He waved his moustache up and down happily, and declared I’d never get a position in the school I’d requested.

The following September, while I attended orientation meetings in the school I requested, both the principal and my supervisor of my old school were perplexed at my absence. The UFT transfer plan precluded my being punished for doing my job too well.

Perhaps it will do the same for you one day.

But only if you vote “NO” on this awful contract proposal.

Overheard

Of teachers:

“I could vote for it because I’m going to retire.  But that would go against everything I went on strike for.  I don’t believe in giving all this stuff back.”

“They pretend to pay me, and I pretend I’m working.”

Of students:

“Without my glasses, I can’t even find my glasses.”

“This room smells like math.”

(Upon watching me, her teacher, feign a heart attack over a subject-verb agreement error)
“You needs to calm down, man.”

Roadmap to a Sixth Teaching Period

Goshdarn it, why oh why are we being so negative? Did Martha Stewart stop baking cookies just because they sent her to the stoney lonesome for a few months? When GW failed to find any WMDs, did he suffer any consequences? When Rod Paige got caught faking the “Texas Miracle,” did he go to jail? Of course not! Ol’ Rod just paid journalists to push his programs, called the NEA a “terrorist organization, ” and rode quietly off into the sunset.

So let's just stop being such a "Gloomy Gus," and look at the bright side of the new UFT contract, shall we? With the innovative language of this unprecedented document, the “Roadmap to a Sixth Teaching Period,” you’ll be a better teacher, a better human being, and surely edge closer to that spiritual fulfillment that's been eluding you all these years.

Aren’t you sick to death of getting raises just to have more money? Wouldn’t you rather increase your workload while essentially getting paid the same or less? Wouldn’t everyone? Well, here’s your chance.

First of all, rather than planning lessons or helping kids, you’ll have the opportunity to experience firsthand the sublime satisfaction of refereeing food fights. Or perhaps you’ll spend that period in one of Chancellor Klein’s luxuriously appointed student bathrooms, checking hall passes and lecturing kids you’ve never seen before on the perils of wearing hats. Maybe you'll even get to assist a secretary or a paraprofessional in filling out forms! Some teachers haven’t done these things before, but if you haven’t, believe me, there’s nothing quite like that first time.

Not only that, but after a full day’s work, you’ll spend 37.5 minutes on “small group instruction” since your classes, under this stellar contract, will still be the largest in the state. Think of all the new and exciting people you'll get to see and experience on the parkway after school. And don’t forget the inevitable extra ten minutes coming in the next contract, which will give you six full periods of teaching the largest classes in the state. What's that you say? "Oh boy!" "I can't wait!" But that's not all!

Instead of that wasteful Labor Day trip, you'll save big on gas by spending two perfect summer days being indoctrinated in the mysterious and arcane plans of Chancellor Klein. Get ready to sit in a hot auditorium and listen to his overpaid sycophantic flunkies tell you what a great job he's doing, and how and why you should stop screwing it up. And you'll yet enjoy another vacation day (for your students) hearing even more about much-neglected topics such as "The Art of Reading Aloud to 34 Seventeen Year Old Kids Who Don't Understand the Language You're Speaking."

Best of all, even with all these extras, you can rest secure in the knowledge you’re still the lowest paid teachers in the area. The fact is, while UFT pay edges up, our suburban colleagues get raises too, larger than ours, and without optional extras like those mentioned above. The UFT, in a particularly canny negotiating tactic, regularly underestimates the difference in pay between us. If you don’t believe me, visit a Nassau library and ask to see their teacher pay schedules, which are annually published in booklets by NYSUT.

Frankly, I can't wait till the next contract, when they give us that sixth full class we’ve all been hankering for. Like many of you, I’m bone weary of having such an effortless, cushy job, and if the UFT hadn’t proposed this contract, I was personally gonna circulate a petition demanding more work and less pay. So let’s all put our heads together and figure out what else we can sell them come October 2007.

Hmm…Tenure? Health insurance? Your firstborn?

Edwize Silent on Contract Pact

I'm curious why Edwize, the UFT blog, has seen fit to publish no new thread related to the new contract proposal. Interesting though the "New Teacher Diaries" may be, they hardly reflect what's on the minds of most teachers this week.

Could it be they don't want to know how the rank and file feel about the proposed contract? Or could it be they already do, and would prefer not to hear about it further?

Feel free to speculate here, and let's hope they show some guts and prove us wrong.

Contract Update (revised)

Today's NY Times reports an agreement between the UFT and Bloomberg for a 52 month contract with a 14.25% increase.

Highlights include:

-3 extra days listening to Klein's flunkies pontificate
-10 minutes extra per day
-fewer transfer options
-a sixth 37.5 minute class of "small group instruction" 4x weekly
-no right to grieve letters in your file
-return to lunch duty, hall patrol, homeroom, potty patrol et al
-UFT silence on the mayoral election as quid pro quo

Hopefully, the UFT will see fit to share further details with us soon.

Vivian

I’m in the department office, correcting papers and congratulating myself that I have only 5 million more to go when Vivian bursts in, crying hysterically. I try to calm her down, and ask what’s wrong. Vivian, an incredibly conscientious student who arrived from China only months ago, thrusts a paper in my face and begins to cry even louder.

It’s in Chinese. Between sobs, she sputters she got a D on her composition, and apparently, it’s all but ruined her young life.

“I’m sorry, Vivian, but I can’t understand Chinese. Did you ask the teacher why?”

“Yes.” (sob, sniff….)

“What did he tell you?”

“I don’t know.” (cry, sob)

“What do you mean?”

“I c-c-can’t understand his Chinese.” (sniff, sniff)

“Come on, Vivian.”

“NO! NOBODY understand his Chinese!”

“Well, you must understand it better than me...”

“I ask him five time, and I don’t understand. Finally, he tell me in English….” (sob, cry, cry…”)

“What did he tell you, Vivian?”

“He tell me in English ‘It suck!.’ “ (serious bawling)

Well, as criticism goes, it’s certainly concise.

Later, I look for her teacher and find him. Unfortunately, I find his English utterly incomprehensible. That’s unusual for me—my job involves regularly dealing with people who speak little or no English. I have a Chinese-speaking colleague call Vivian’s parents on my behalf and tell them what a wonderful kid she is and how well she’s doing in my class.

It probably won’t help.

Correction

Obviously I was premature in announcing that a deal between Bloomberg and the UFT was all but signed. While I was certainly not the only one laboring under that particular misconception, I'll refrain from further criticism of the contract until if and when there is one.

My feelings about the fact-finders report remain the same--it's absolutely unacceptable, and a very, very bad precedent. I very much think it will form the basis of any contract to which the UFT leadership agrees, but continue to hope against hope they will prove me wrong.